Welcome to the House of Crazy

March 2007

My husband's mom has just flipped her shit. I don't mean she just lost it for a minute or even went a little crazy for a few days. No, she straight up lost her marbles. I feel bit guilty that when I think of her the following names come to mind: insane, psychotic, etc. I feel especially bad because all of these things are (albeit unfortunately) true. You see, she is diagnosed with schizophrenia. Like most shizophrenics, she is fairly "normal" when she is on her medications, however, like most schizophrenics, she periodically quits taking her meds. I feel true sympathy for her but in order to cope with her outlandish behavior, it's either cry or laugh...I choose the latter. Some may ridicule or chastize me for making fun, but all fun is simply out of love for this crazy woman I'll now be related to for the rest of my life. So in order to preserve what little sanity I have, I will laugh and share some of her recent antics:

1. Like most of America, she recently watched "The Academy Awards". Since this viewing, she has called the Actors Guild no less than 50 times as she is convinced that myson is a child actor whom we are teaching to run around naked (please note earlier blogs that make reference to Caleb's preferred nakedness because his "skin needs air"). I assure you that as cute as Caleb is, he is in fact, not a child actor.

2. She hates some woman named "Theresa Martin". Over the past few years I have heard so much about Theresa Martin that I could rip my hair out. My poor husband often receives phone calls from his mother who states all kinds of horrible things about Theresa Martin. To this day, no one knows who the hell Theresa Martin is (and we probably never will).

3. Although it's apparent we do not live a celebrity lifestyle, she is convinced that we (her entire family included) flies around the world to have fun get togethers and parties without her in less than 24 hour periods of time.

4. She is convinced my huband's father is gay despite the fact he's been remarried (to a woman) for umpteenth million years.

5. She works for the FBI. Specifically, the FBI has inserted a microchip inot her ear for her to spy and do their work. She often is focused on illegal sex rings that sometimes take place in her apartment whenever she isn't home.

6.Chuck-E-Cheese is a brainwashing establishment. (Having been to Chuck-E-Cheese myself, there may be some actual truth to this one).