Dear Chantex-
We are about to begin our third journey together. Perhaps the third time really is a charm? Let me be frank- I know the strength and power you possess over nicotine (essentially you literally suck the fun out of smoking). Still, I have learned from our previous liaisons that your strength does not come without cost (and although you are quite expensive, I am most certainly not referring to your high pharmaceutical price tag-alas I have good insurance). With that said, I implore you to take it easy on my stomach and forsake any attempts to wreak havoc (via nightmares) while I am sleeping. If forced, I can handle the ten minutes of stomach discomfort that occurs immediately upon swallowing you. Furthermore, I can even handle the "disconnect" feeling I begin experiencing as your medicinal properties begin to affect (AKA greatly decrease) my antidepressant medication. Honestly, I begin to feel almost robotic by week two as your small blue pill somehow flips the “off” switch on any emotions I possess. Luckily, this has not (at least in my previous attempts to quit smoking) led me to have any homicidal or suicidal thoughts (as these are some of the potential side effects clearly highlighted under the warning portion listed on your packaging). Despite my complaints, the truth is you do in fact work and I have come to grips with the fact I must begin swallowing you immediately. I suspect that during the next seven days you will become the nicotine joy killer I know you to be.
Yours Most Sincerely,
S
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