Babies on the Brain (just not on my brain)

Well call it a case of baby fever but it seems everyone I know is pregnant right now. At my place of employment alone I have several close coworkers that are pregnant with their second child (and many had their first child less than 22 months ago-a feat I not only consider courageous but also downright brave). Don’t misunderstand, I adore children and in fact spent much of my undergraduate college years working as a nanny for a family that had six children which at that time were all under the age of six years (they consisted of a set of twins, triplets, and a single). By all means, I adored my nanny escapades and to this day maintain contact with the now very grown up children. As many of you are already aware, my second husband and I conceived then lost a baby at 22 weeks gestation in October 2007. Essentially we lost our baby to an extremely rare and fatal affliction. The diagnosis was Sirenomelia, a non-genetic disease so rare that doctors equate it to the chances of a person being struck by lightning. Statistically, only 1 in 100,000 infants are diagnosed with this terminal disease. Primarily a child diagnosed with Sirenomelia does not develop from the waist down (including kidneys and other vital organs necessary for survival). At the time of our devastating loss I secretly hoped it was somehow genetic as that would at least give us some sort of explanation as to why this occurred. According to the obstetricians the chances of a subsequent pregnancy resulting in Sirenomelia is extremely rare. After much grieving, healing, and other life events (including a brief separation), my husband and I decided to try and conceive again beginning in December 2009. Following an early miscarriage in April 2010 we followed up with a genetic counselor who stated there was no biological reason for our recent loss and that miscarriages are actually quite common. My husband and I continued to try and conceive until July 2010 and only made the decision to stop trying after we experienced numerous positive pregnancy tests only to later discover the pregnancies did not progress. After careful though and consideration, we have come to the mutual decision to refrain from future conceiving. After all, we have a wonderful, bright, and loving nine-year-old son. In retrospect, we wonder if our inability to conceive was in some small way God’s way of telling us to pursue expanding our family in another venue. Specifically, my husband and I were extremely concerned about the possibility of conceiving a child that might one day develop Schizophrenia, a devastating and progressive mental illness that runs rampant on my husband’s side of the family. This is not to suggest that had we successfully conceived a child we would not have loved a baby despite his or her potential diagnosis but we have experienced firsthand the frightening and heart breaking effects that stem from Schizophrenia. For now we are content as a family unit of three (plus our pig, two hairless cats, and yorkie-poo). Perhaps one day we will consider adoption but for now we are content acting as “aunt and uncle” to all of our friends and families children. I truly feel blessed with my family of three and our wild animal kingdom pets.