Chasing Demons...

I’ve long suffered from periodic bouts of depression and anxiety (from childhood though present times). Thankfully the pharmaceutical gods long ago created anti-depressants (among many other things) and society finally dropped the stigma that surrounded taking them (hallelujah...why in the world did it take so long in the first place?). Zoloft has been a dear faithful friend to me for many years now (without it, I feel like an impatient, demanding and unreasonable bitch- in short, an unpleasant person to be around much less live with). From the medical perspective, many people have chemical changes/reasons such medications not only work but are necessary in order for the brain to function normally (trust me, if you don’t need an antidepressant and are prescribed one, it will literally have no effect on you-similar to a placebo effect in which in case I say toss the meds out). In the past, depression was my biggest demon; however, its gloomy fiery head has behaved well in recent months. On the other hand, my anxiety has not. Of course any life changing event can provoke anxiety in any person, however, many life changing events in recent months have caused my anxiety to elevate (actually skyrocket may be the most appropriate explanation for the purpose of this discussion). Mental illness often runs in families…be it depression, anxiety, Bipolar, etc. This past Wednesday I visited my friendly local doctor who (after administering an evaluation/questionnaire) decided to place me on a mood stabilizer after I answered “yes” to 8 out of several different questions (any questions past 7 that are marked "yes" may be indicative of a possible mood disorder, etc.). Bipolar diagnosis is tricky…there is no “official” assessment that exists and there are many, many forms of Bipolar (I, II, Hypo, Mixed episodes, Major Depressive, Cyclical, and Bipolar Otherwise Not Specified, etc). I feel my depression is well controlled by Zoloft but on occasion I am a bit manic-experiencing bouts of energy, difficulty sleeping (insomnia), racing thoughts, etc. Thankfully, this does not include full blown mania (such as excessive spending, risky behaviors, etc.). And, thanks to my OCD which is highlighted through my organizational skills, I have been able to channel my mini bouts of mania for the most part in a positive way (reorganizing my closets, cleaning the house, etc.). Which brings me to my point-do I really want to take a mood stabilizer if my occasional mania leads to positive outcomes and does not interfere with my day to day life? Will it “steal” or blow out my creative spark? If so, then I say "thanks but no thanks". After all, I only answered one question more than what was considered borderline. With that said, I have great faith in pharmaceuticals (when prescribed and taken correctly) and am at least willing to try a very, very minimal dose. I trust my body so only time will tell if the medication is beneficial or even necessary.