In one of my recent blogs I questioned whether friends can be lovers (even just for a night) then return to being friends. Although I suspect the answer is an emphatic no, I’m in no way volunteering myself to find out (not even for the sake of satisfying my…ahem…curiosity as to whether it’s indeed possible--sorry boys, I’m just not that kind of girl). Which brings me to my next topic- sleeping with an ex and the implications (or fallout) that comes with it? While my personal love life (or lack thereof) is no one’s business but my own, I (grudgingly) admit I have some insight in this area. To be more specific, I was recently under the assumption Matt and I could keep our friendship intact despite our breakup (what a terribly wrong assumption on my part). Although Matt and I will in all likelihood be able to resume our friendship eventually, I cannot be his friend right now (no matter how painful the loss of his companionship is at this time). I have rarely been the person who’s been broken up with (I was a “love ‘em and leave ‘em” kind of girl- or better yet—I was the “I’ll leave you before you have the chance to leave me” kind of girl (rest assured these are past issues thanks to maturity and years of therapy). With that said, I now realize that the person who actually initiates the breakup is in a far different place than the person being broken up with (funny how being on the recieving end changes one's perspective). It’s simply not possible for me to be around Matt right now because I do not yet have the emotional distance, healing or closure to be able to perceive (as well as interact) with him as a friend only. I will get there eventually but it’s going to take time….which is difficult because it means I didn’t just lose my partner, I’ve also (at least temporarily) lost my best friend. Despite knowing our breakup is the right course of action (we just don’t want the same “deal breaker” type things), it’s still very, very hard. I miss him. In fact, this breakup seems harder than most-perhaps because it didn’t end over a horribly hurtful event (i.e. cheating, etc.) in which it’s possible to hate the other person (nothing like rage to motivate a person to move on). In fact, it ended on good terms, even loving terms which to me is the hardest way to end it at all.
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