Numbers

1. Animal cruelty literally leaves scars upon my soul. After ten years of working in social services, I developed a thick skin with regards to child abuse--don't get me wrong--it's horrific but I am (sadly) no longer surprised by the depths human beings will go to when harming each other. On the other hand, I lack any form of emotional protection with regard to animals. If there is a hell, there's a special place in it for those who delight in cruelty.
2. I don't actually believe in the "Christian" idea of hell. If you're interested in my spiritual beliefs simply ask me---to even attempt to explain them in this blog would take an inexorbitant amount of time.
3. It infuriates me when others use intimidation, threats, and scare tactics to push their own ideas and agendas upon others.
4. I didn't think the United States would elect a black President in my lifetime. I am so glad I was proven wrong. #hope
5. I am genuinely grateful that I have finally met my perfect match (whom I will marry next February). #miracles do happen
6. I believe that life is hard but wouldn't be worth living if it were any other way.
7. I have learned exponentially more from failing versus any success I have achieved.
8. I am innately selfish. I continue to work hard at overcoming selfishness but it truly is my biggest character defect.
9. I have been blessed to have some of the greatest coworkers at every job I have ever worked at.
10.If someone had told me two years ago that I would eventually love coffee I would have thought they were crazy.
11.The library works hard to satisfy my addiction to books. On average, I read 4 books per week. #bookworm
12.I rarely watch TV.
13.My nighttime ritual includes watching black and white reruns of "The Munsters" with Steve and our dog Charlie....yep, I have become that girl.
14.My goal is to become a CADC (Certified Alcohol and Drug Counselor).
15.I currently have only one credit card which I pay in full each month I use it.
16.Until I was diagnosed with PMDD (Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder) I thought there was something very wrong with me. This diagnosis literally changed my life. Thank God for good doctors and great pharmaseuticals.
17.Acceptance is the answer to all things. It took me decades to grasp and embrace this simple yet profound concept.
18.I used to dread getting older, however, I now understand why no sane person would ever want to return to their younger selves.
19.My son thrills me to this day. How he manages to maintain straight A's in middle school is beyond me. It would not be until undergrad and graduate school that I would be able to maintain a 4.0
20.I have a lot of regrets, however, without them I would not have the profound gratitude I have for my life today.

'78 Retake....

In honor of my upcoming 35th birthday the post below pays tribute to the year in which I was born...
Here's to you 1978!  Cheers!

World Series Champions: New York Yankees
NCAA Basketball Champions: University of Kentucky (!)
Superbowl Champions: Dallas Cowboys
American President in Office: Jimmy Carter
Sex Symbols: Farrah Fawcett, Christie Brinkley, Lynda Carter

Popular Movies: "National Lampoon's Animal House", "Grease", "Jaws 2"
Popular Games: "Hungry, Hungry Hippos" and "Simon"

Popular TV Shows: "60 minutes", "Taxi", "Three's Company", "Happy Days", "Laverne & Shirley"

Average (yearly) Income: $17,000
Average Cost of Purchasing a House: $54,000
Average Rent: $260
Price of Gasoline: 63 cents
Cost of Stamp: 15 cents

Notable Crime: "Son of Sam" seriel killer sentenced

Album of the Year: "Rumours" by Fleetwood Mac
World Population Estimate: 4 Billion
Technology: Sony introduces the "Walkman" (the first portable stereo)
Famous Actor also born in 1978: Ashton Kutcher

Take 3

As I prepare to take my third (yes, third) trip down the aisle, I can't help but reflect on my previous marriages.  Although I made A LOT of mistakes, I have no regrets.  Each marriage taught me a lot about relationships and provided me with a wealth of knowledge about who I was, who I am today, and who I want to be in the future.  Here's a brief synopsis of my prior marriages...

Marriage: Take 1:
I had just turned twenty-four when I took the first "plunge".  In hindsight we were both far too young to marry, however like most twenty somethings, felt it was the next logical step.  After all, we had a fifteen-month-old son together and felt we had waited long enough to ensure we weren't simply getting married out of obligation.  We were married (unhappily) for nearly two and a half years before waiving the white flag in surrender.  In retrospect we were two very, very different people incapable of being what the other person needed.  I hold no ill will towards my son's father-we tried our very best and it simply did not work out.  To this day we are on good terms and jointly participate in our son's school and sporting events.  He is now happily cohabitating with a divorced mother of three.  I can honestly say I wish him nothing but love and happiness.  I sincerely believe we taught each other a lot and have continuously demonstrated that while we weren't able to love each other indefinitely, we both very much love our son.

Fast forward to Marriage #2....

This relationship was infinitely more complicated with twists and turns at every corner.  I was twenty-six years old when we began dating.  In 2007 we married then tragedy struck that October.  I wont get into all of the details as the specifics of that dark time period are best captured in the blogs I wrote during those horrific days.  What I will say is that I don't think either of us ever fully recovered from the indescribeable shock and loss we endured.  While I can't speak on my ex husband's behalf, I am more than capable of speaking about my own.  In short-it would take years of self destruction before I would finally hit (rock) bottom at the end of 2011.  My road of recovery (and self discovery) has been a painful (but necessary) journey.  I owe my ex husband a lot of gratitude....his faith in me (especially when I least deserved it) was limitless.  I can never repay this debt.  Fast forward a few years to early 2012 (post divorce) and we found ourselves dating yet again.  While we became great friends once more, we quickly discovered we wanted radically different things.   Through no fault of his own, I was too traumatized by earlier events in our past marriage to truly try again.  When I finally admitted (to him as well as my inner self)that I could not commit (ever) to us getting remarried or to having another baby together (unfathomable for me after the loss of our only child together) we realized it could never work.  At that time we were dating I was completely happy with the current situation--living separately yet exclusively dating each other.  In hindsight I realize this was deeply unfair to him--I sincerely prayed that with time I would change my mind about marriage and children, however, once he recognized I wouldn't (or couldn't) he ended our relationship.  His courage to do this (and most importantly put his needs before my own) astounds me to this day.  I am so proud of him.  To this day we continue our friendship and he continues to play a large role in my son's life.  I am forever grateful to the love, patience, and encouragment he has freely given to me.  I am blessed to have him as part of my family.  I sincerely hope he marries someone who will give him all that he deserves---few men could be the type of  husband and/or father he is capable of being.

Fast forward to present day.....

Where do I even begin?  First let me begin by saying that I SWORE I would never get remarried after my previous marriages ended in divorce.  With my track record I was content to keep things "safe and uncomplicated".  Dating?  Yes.  Marriage? Hell no.  Then I met Steve- the polar opposite of either of my ex husbands'!  Steve is eleven years my senior, divorced (x 3-yes, 3), and has four children (ages 26, 19, 17, and 6).  I have fallen in love with this man and his children.  For the first time ever, I feel as though we found our match when we found each other.  Today I am thirty-four years old and nothing in this world could drag me back to my twenties..it's was a long, painful, and bumpy road to self discovery and self love.  What I understand today (and trust me it took years to get there) is that it wasn't until I was truly happy with myself that I would be able to be in a healthy, loving relationship.  I am finally there and feel so blessed.  Thank you to my past---you helped create the wonderful future I have today.

xoxo     

Truths Elaborated....

My son will be playing middle school football this upcoming school year (gulp).  Thus far the practices have been nothing short of brutal (i.e. pushing an SUV through the school parking lot).  Despite the strenuous conditioning (Caleb has thrown up twice at practice due to the heat and intensity), he continues to suit up and show up (much props).

My son is obsessed with playing his X Box (in his defense he wears a headset which enables him to play/converse with his friends online-had Nintendo had this feature when I was a kid I might have never emerged from my room either).  Regardless, I have had to monitor his language (i.e. "God Dang-it" is acceptable while "screw you" absolutely is not....and will in fact result in the loss of said priviliges). 

My son is in the process of morphing into a giant.  Although he is only eleven years old (and will turn twelve in early October), he wears a size 10 men's shoe and is nearly as tall as me (5'4").  Wow.  I guess his debut into the world at 9 pounds and 14.2 ounces (as well as being 22 inches long) was a strong indication of what is yet to come...(note: when I delivered Caleb the doctor announced I had given birth to a "toddler"-how I accomplished this amazing feat baffles me to this day)

My son's intelligence amazes me....While I obtained A's in college, I had to study and push myself continuously in order to do so.  On the other hand, Caleb's academic achievements are effortless-he continues to test well above average and is in the Enrichment (AKA Gifted and Talented) programs each school year.

Regardless of being born blonde and blue-eyed, Caleb has nearly all of my facial features (same nose, eye shape, mouth, chin, etc.).  As a toddler Caleb had very light blonde hair (though not quite as light as the natural platinum blond of his father).  Over the years (and especially since puberty) his hair has gradually become darker (and I secretly hope he's completely dark before it's all said and done as blue eyes and brown hair are my favorite combination)...

While braces may be a necessity (and/or for cosemetic purposes only), they are always expensive regardless the reasons.  In Caleb's case braces were a necessity due to the structure of his upper jaw.  As a result, Caleb had his braces put on in April and I have found myself on a 17 month orthodontic payment plan (don't even get me started on the cost of the required down payment).

I am in shock that in less than 18 months I will be the parent of a teenager.  WTH.

I am thrilled my son enjoys reading as much as I do.  When he began reading the Harry Potter series my heart soared with joy....my love of books knows no bounds....

I am proud of my son for maintaining an open mind and sensitive heart.

My son has saved my life-both literally and figuratively....I cannot imagine existing in this world without him. 

I am truly honored to be his mother.

EmbarrassingTruths

#Truth

I love to do the "Electric Slide" to the song "Islands in the Stream" (by Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton).  Somewhere in NYC video proof of this fact exist as my sister (Amanda) and I did Kentucky proud at my 30th birthday party...(*blush*)

I am counting down the weeks until I can afford to have botox touch-ups (because I am beyond over- due)...I shamelessly admit to adoring (cue Carly Simon's "You're So Vain") cosmetic enhancements...

Despite my crusade to minimize wrinkles and sun spots, I wear very little makeup and in fact, often prefer an SPF tinted moisturizer, lip gloss, and mascara as opposed to a fully done face...

I will not reference vanity again in this post.

Non-fat Vanilla Lattes from McD's are my favorite caffeinated beverage in the world (yep, the entire world...and perhaps even the entire universe...it's just that good)

I have 14 tattoos.  If there was a 12 step program for tat junkies I would attend...

I removed my acryllic nails more than a month ago (after years of sporting them continuously).  I am surprised by how much I like having short, natural nails (I now match all of my sisters :)

On the other hand, I definitely miss pedicures...

The muscles in my neck/shoulders are killing me....who knew that working in the flower beds (okay I admit it--jumping up and down on the shovel as though it were a pogo stick in an effort to relocate my hostas) would cause so much soreness?

My mom recently told me she knows I am doing well whenever I start blogging again....

My mother is very smart.

Year to date I have found no topic, subject, etc. that I will not blog about regardless of how shocking or taboo it may seem...

I am secretly thrilled everytime my boyfriend leaves loose change in my car...

I am OCD (though considerably less so since I hit my thirties) with my home, office, etc.  For whatever reason, my vehicles have never fallen into this category. 

And as a result they look like bombs detonated.

My son starts middle school this fall and even though it's been decades since I was that age, I still remember it like it was yesterday. 

Which is alarming. 

Must Reads

“She reads books as one would breathe air.”-Source Unknown

 Recently I have devoured books with an intensity that would rival that of a starving man who finds himself at an all you can eat buffet. I thoroughly enjoyed (as well as highly recommend) the following books:

Proof of Heaven (a Neuroscientist memoir detailing his near death experience)

Gone Girl (an absolutely brilliant psychological thriller) I am Number Four (Trilogy set which includes The

Power of Six and The Rise of Nine) Beautiful Creatures (Set which includes three additional novels)

Sh*tty Mom (a hilarious must read penned by four real life moms)

Delirium (Trilogy set which includes Pandemonium and Requiem- to be released in March 2013)—note: if you enjoyed Twilight or The Hunger Games you will find this set even more satisfying…

Let’s get physical….

Dear Gym- Although I have failed to write (or rather blog) about our recent work together, I have managed to squeeze in at least 4 workouts per week for the last three weeks. While I am fully aware of our ongoing love/hate relationship (consequently it’s currently “love” though this is subject to change at any given moment), I must give credit where credit is due. Not only do I feel better and sleep better, I now have a healthy outlet for releasing stress, etc…….and it doesn't hurt that (thanks to you) I was able to wear my size 4 dress pants to work this week. Kisses, S

Age is just a number

Age is but a number, right? Rarely have I given much thought to dating with regards to significant age differences between an existing couple...after all my paternal grandfather was twenty years older than my grandmother (which in hindsight is a much larger gap than i ever managed to grasp as a child). Take for example my own boyfriend (who is eleven years my senior). This much difference feels insignificant(though i feel this is primarily due to the fact we are both over the age of thirty). From personal experience I believe that a person doesn't even begin to discover who they truly are until they have left their tumultuous twenties safely behind. More pointedly, what I wanted at twenty-two was radically different from what I wanted at thirty-two (after all, our twenties only begin to lay the ground work for who and what we will become). I'm grateful for my twenties (though there is nothing one could bribe me with to persuade me to return to them). I enjoyed that particular time period-they were my post college years and a decade dedicated to discovering my inner self. And yet...they were painful (as growing pains tend to be)...For me, turning thirty meant finally being able to shed insecurities that only time can bestow upon us. I am so grateful to be moving forward and no longer feel compelled to keep glancing back.

The Torture Chamber Day 1

I did it...I finally succeeded in gathering up enough motivation to finally return to the gym.  Truth: it was actually my scale (as opposed to any willpower--which apparently I possess none of) which prompted my return.  It is only by sheer luck that I managed to gain just a few pounds during the holidays (I ate enough to earn 60 yet lucked out with a mere 6).  I am not a gambler and ultimately realize the odds are not in my favor should I fail to take definitive (as well as immediate) action.  I worked hard last summer and fall to shed 23 pounds (and finally return to my coveted size 4 pants) and am determined not to blow it.

Truth: I have had a membership for the last 12 months (all paid in advance of course because who in their right mind would continue to pay (for 9 consecutive months) and never make an appearance?)  Yep-I lost those aforementioned 23 pounds by sheer food portion/quality control (hence perpetuating the myth I could simply forgo extended periods of aerobic activity).  I have a long list of reasons why I didn't want to go to the gym ranging from not wanting to "sweat off" my spray tan (pathetic) to complaining it would be dark by the time I arrived home (note: this excuse only worked once we turned our clocks back thus was only a plausible excuse for roughly 5 months out of the year).

So.....the charade is up and I somehow managed to log nearly three miles on the elliptical machine this afternoon (trust me when I say that no one is more surprised than me that I managed this feat after a nine month sabbatical).  In the name of accountability (ahem vanity) I will be writing about my gym antics (teaser--being the only female in a gym crawling with men has its perks).....

Until then...knock 'em dead.