Princess

"she wasn't looking for a knight

she was looking for a sword"

-Atticus

When I was a young girl, I discovered I had three beauty marks which formed a traingle. I pretended this mark meant I was a secret princess who would one day be rediscovered. Apparently this princess complex extended to an even earlier age. The proof? Halloween pictures in which I wore a pink dress complete with a shining crown.

Looking back I now wonder was this an innocent fixation? Perhaps I just liked shiny crowns and therefore wanted to wear one. Or maybe I sought refuge? Perhaps I sought escape from my childhood environment. Whatever the reason I later began carefully constructing a tall tower. One in which only I could stand in. No entrances-completely safe. Was I a princess waiting to be rescued by a hero? Perhaps in my late teens and early twenties this was true. However that would change. My tower was reconstructed-completely impenatrable. I had learned that would be heroes may in fact be cleverly disguised dragons waiting to burn me alive. 

This princess craved isolation. Later driven mad by the thoughts in her head she sought numbness-anything to try and kill the pain. Alcohol became her refuge. This princess alone in this tower of her own making became insane. Still she would not surrender. The strong walls temporarily kept all people out. Then came the day the walls began to crumble. She finally surrendered.

And though this princess is no longer insane she is still fearful to let anyone get too close out of fear she will be scorched once more. It is a hard life long habit to break. And when her heart is broken she begins to build the walls once more brick by brick. She remains scared. But she is now brave and will fight to keep the walls down. Courage is now the mark she wears.