Beginnings and Endings

On September 8th I voluntarily checked myself into an inpatient detox facility. To be completely transparent, I had over five years of sobriety before going "back out" for a month. It was nothing short of horrific. In hindsight, my relapse journey came about months before I picked up that first drink. Emotionally, mentally, and spiritually I was tailspinning into a vast abyss.  Something (note: my mind) broke around April of this year. An audible snap. There are many contributing factors and I admit I do not know all of them. In the end, it was accessibility that provided an opportunity to take that first sip. Entering into a toxic (and insane) relationship led to having alcohol in my house for the first time in six years. That is not an excuse-rather, it is proof that no alcoholic (or at least this alcoholic) can be around alcohol 24/7 and not eventually pick up themselves. I will write more about my relapse in coming blogs but choose to first speak about my journey to recovery.  I have a new sponsor, I am going to meetings daily, and I am in an intensive outpatient program. I am learning and discovering many new things about myself. It is a continuous and ongoing process. "Just for today" I am sober and I am truly blessed beyond all measures.