Acceptance

Acceptance is the answer to all my problems.

I repeat this mantra daily (at times, hourly). I am working hard to accept what is. Trying to control people, places, and thing is futile. The moment I try I begin paddling against a strong current. It is exhausting. I am trying to perfect the art of accepting people where they are at and not where I want them to be. I am striving to show compassion to those who behave in sick ways. It is not personal-the issue lies within them and has nothing to do with me personally. The world does not revolve around me. 

#serenityprayer

Santa Baby...

The Ledge

I can promise you that you will have to talk me down from the ledge. Repeatedly. It is a guarantee. I have a tendency to flee when I feel emotionally vulnerable. I call it self-preservation. I will try to escape the moment my walls start to crack. It is my (albeit unhealthy) knee jerk reaction. Thus far you have succeeded in coaxing me back down. Sometime in the future you will have to do it again. My trust is a tentative thing. I do not share it easily. I will search for all of the reasons we should not be together while minimizing the reasons we should. I easily feel exposed. It is a result of past trauma. At times it has served its purpose. But a life preserver can quickly turn into a self suffocating device. It can lead to drowning when simply standing up could deliver me safely to shore. I will do my best to let you in despite the risks. I know your history. I am not blind. But I also recognize the possibilities despite the shortcomings we possess. Life is a journey not a destination.

Sweet Home Alabama

Dear Alabama,

Thank you. You inspired a deeply red state to elect a Democrat for the first time in nearly 25 years. You have given us hope amongst a country which has been fueled by rampant racism, bigotry, discrimination, sexism, and blatant sexual harassment and assault. You have lit a torch for all to see. You have sent a deep and clear message that there are some things we simply cannot ignore. For the first time in a long time I have hope again. You have restored my faith in humanity. You have demonstrated that we as a nation can accomplish peace and justice. We can and we will rise. My heartfelt gratitude is over flowing. Thank you for lighting the match. May you be the first of many.

Happy 18th

Happy, happy birthday doll! Welcome to adulthood.

Sister Soul

I have often struggled with female relationships. Even as a teen I gravitated towards male friendships. It was easier and less complicated. What I am continuing to learn is that there is something truly precious about sisterhood. We lift each other up. We inspire each other. We have a shared identification. There are so many women in my life today who are showing me how strong female bonds can be. I am truly grateful. Thank you ladies for loving me back to life. 

Making memories

As I reflect back on the holiday season last year versus this year, I cannot help but notice the many changes which have transpired. Over all, the changes have been positive. It isn't so much that one is superior to the other-rather, it's the stark differences between the two. Last Christmas I lived in a different house and experienced holidays post divorce for the first time in many years. At that time, I was dating someone new-a man I was very much in love with at that time. Attending my sister's Christmas concert this year I find myself with a new man entirely. Holiday parties this year will be in his company. I am amazed at how much has changed in a mere year. Although I do not mean to project into the future, I cannot help but wonder who I might be with this time next year.  The concept would have terrified me last year. During that time I desperately sought out stability and a (false) sense of security. This year I feel only peace and acceptance. God has demonstrated time and again how much better my life is when I let go and let God. I need only walk with Him.