Hidden

Hidden:

kept out of sight; concealed.

"hidden dangers"

synonyms:

concealed, secret, undercover, invisible, unseen, out of sight, closeted

Rather than going into a long and winding story, I'll stick with pinpointing my feelings. This is hard for me. I'd prefer to justify, rationalize, or deny than try to identify my feelings. It's personal and often doesn't feel good. It's easier for me to state the feelings I do not have. With that said, I do not feel jealous, insecure, or angry. Instead I feel hurt. I don't want to feel this way. I want it to roll off my back with ease. Lying by omission is something we all do as humans. White lies run rampant and we all partake in it. But yet this feels deeper than that. I feel hidden away. I feel I've been tucked away in order to protect another person's feelings. I understand not wanting to hurt someone. I do. But as a result, I've been hurt in the process. To share your life with another is just that--sharing. I can only ask why someone would put another person's feelings first without considering the feelings of all involved? If a person is friend's with someone and meets regularly then how could I have not been discussed? What is so shameful? Who is this person really protecting? I feel unimportant. I feel baffled. I feel deceived. I feel pain. I feel confusion. 

I could brush it aside and pretend I'm okay but I'm trying not to be that person anymore. I despise any type of "we need to talk...." conversations. So I don't have them. I have no answers. What's done is done. Friends discuss serious relationships, etc with each other (hence the word friendship).  My question is this: if a person omits having a serious romantic relationship with their friend then is the romantic relationship  actually even serious? Hence my confusion. I am not needy. But I will stand up for myself and ask "Am I in the wrong here as well? Maybe we aren't as seriously involved as I assumed. The bottom line is that I'm okay. What I must know is this-are we serious and committed or has the relationship been downgraded to less serious?  Hidden doesn't feel good. And often times once you dig, other hidden things seem to spill out. I need to know where I stand. I need a partner who is proud of me, proud of us and unashamed to share. To conclude....an I way off base with where things are? I can handle it either way. The only thing worse than feeling hidden is just not knowing.